Stop your Communications Alienating those you want to Empathise with

Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

At the start of the pandemic, organizations started sending messages to their members. They wanted everyone to know that in these extraordinary times, they understood. They had people’s backs.

The problem was that too many of those messages came in a one size fits all format. And because they came from people high up in organizations, they were written by people whose lives looked nothing like the people they were writing to.

The result is that rather than reassuring people, they alienated the very people they wanted to help. Messages designed to show solidarity showed instead just how little those higher up in organizations understood the lives of most people. They put differences under a spotlight and made many of us feel isolated and alone at a time when we needed to feel understood.

Circulars that started with what a manager had done in their garden that week showed recipients that the claustrophobia of having no safe access to outside space would never be understood. Talk of catching up with friends and moving social life to Zoom showed the multiplicity of communication needs within institutions had passed senior teams by. And the fact that so many of those differences fell along lines of power within organizations sent a clear message that the world in which we found ourselves was one riven with inequalities.

In response to this, at Rogue Interrobang, we produced a simple one sheet communications field kit. You can download it here. Its focus is on disability, mental illness and neurodivergence, and I would recommend you speak to representatives of other groups as well.

I’ve included the full contents in this post.

One of the things that struck me was the reaction I’ve had. Some of it has been positive. I’ve had some great conversations as a result. But too often, I’ve received the response, “we just don’t have time,” followed by some variation of, “don’t you understand we’re in the middle of a pandemic.”

I understand that reaction. Strangely enough yes, I do realise we’re in the middle of a pandemic. But that is precisely when we most need to focus on inclusion. The actions we take in crisis will shape the society we build after that crisis. And the organizations of which we are a part will, we hope, still be there after the crisis. Those that don’t get communications right will emerge more divided, with members more suspicious and, key for those driven by performance, less invested in the organization’s success.

“You weren’t there for us when we most needed you,” will be a widespread response, with an inevitable follow-up, “So we’re less inclined to go the extra mile for you now — and those lessons you say you learned: your messages tell us a different story.”

So, here’s the kit. I hope it forms the basis of many communication strategies for many years to come. Most of all I hope it forms the basis of conversations.

If you would like me to consult or advise on ensuring your communications strategy, your communications policy, and your actual communications send the messages of support you would like them to, email me at rogueinterrobang@gmail.com

Communications Field Kit

Stop. Stop before sending the communication you have just written

Ask. Ask some simple but important questions about what you have written:

• If I am asking people to do something, does it seem easy? If it does, that may be a sign that I have failed to consider things that make it difficult for some people. For example if you say “wear a face mask” you might be missing the fact that for autistic people, for example, cannot do so without sensory overload, and many deaf people rely on lip reading. 
• Does it seem simple? As above. For example “telephone your manager” ignores the fact that for many people telephones are an inaccessible means of communication. 
• Am I making assumptions of privilege that could alienate some people I am addressing? For example, talk about exercising at home or doing things in the garden, or even working on a table all assume that these things are available to people. For many of the most vulnerable, they may not be. 
• Am I confusing wellness with illness? It is important to consider everyone’s health. But people who are ill often have specific needs that are different. 
• Is there a danger what I say now conflicts with what I have said in the past in a way that singles out disabled people? For example, if you are now proposing remote working, is this something you have previously denied to disabled people who have asked for it? If so, before you communicate, think how upset they might be and address that. 
• Am I ignoring people’s hardship? We often want to be positive and keep people’s spirits up, but for some people life will be incredibly hard. Disabled people maybe finding it impossible to focus on anything except staying alive. It is vital that they realise you understand this. 
• Am I falsely equating people’s situations? We often want to show solidarity and we say things like “we all…” or we equate our experience with that of disabled people, but this can be both patronising and simply untrue. We know that being sad is not the same as depression. Likewise finding Zoom tiring isn’t the same as finding video communications inaccessible, and being frustrated by lockdown isn’t the same as being housebound for years.

Seek. Seek the opinion of someone with lived experience of neurodivergence and/or mental illness if you can (if you can’t, think carefully about the questions above).

Believe. Believe what experts by experience tell you. They are the experts.

Reflect. What does this mean for what you’ve written?

Own. Own the fact you may now have a real decision about what to do next: either

Change. Change what you say in order to accommodate this or

Acknowledge. If you can’t change what you say, acknowledge that you understand there is an issue with what you have said.

Deal. Deal with feedback. It’s OK not to get it right always.

Engage. What matters is that you engage with the feedback you receive to do better next time. Get it wrong once you may be forgiven. Get it wrong once you have been told andyou will lose trust.